4 Tips to Finding Happiness After a Bad Breakup

4 Tips to Finding Happiness After a Bad Breakup

Posted 2016-12-02 by Brionna Pinkneyfollow

Most of us have experienced the pain of a bad breakup. Your heart aches, the tears seem endless, you may refrain from eating or even getting out of bed the next morning. The pain seems like it will never end and you may feel yourself spiraling into a deep depression. You don’t think you’ll ever find happiness or be able to trust someone intimately again but, you can and you will. I’ve been in your shoes several times before and here are some ways I was able to able to find happiness again after dealing with a bad breakup.

What Goes Around Comes Back Around

You may feel like you’ll never be happy or find love again but that’s simply not true. Life just doesn’t work like that, everything happens in cycles. For instance, when summer passes and autumn comes, you’re not worried if you’ll ever see summer again. You know it will come around next year, after spring, like it always does. All aspects of life work in a similar cycle. So, you’ve lost love or happiness for the moment and are experiencing grief and heartbreak. It happens to the best of us but know that love and happiness are always around the corner, waiting to blow your mind when you least expect it. Realizing this will give you anticipation for future positive events that are going to take place in your life. This outlook also attracts positivity into your current situation that will dampen the pain you’re currently feeling.

Don’t Stress on What You Can’t Control

This is easier said than done. You may wish for him/her to have a change of heart, realize you’re the only for him/her and come back ready to be the kind of partner you’ve wanted all your life. Honestly, this could or could not happen. But if it does happen, it won’t be because you sat around all day wishing for it. It will be because it is what he/she chose to do. Hence, it is simply out of your control. You have no authority over anyone’s feelings but your own. So, tormenting yourself with should’ve, could’ve, would’ves or attempting to manipulate your ex’s emotions in order to get what you want isn’t going to help you find the happiness you’re looking for and will prove to be stressful and exhausting. You must let go of the situation. This does not mean denying the pain and hurt you are feeling. It means simply realizing that trying to control a situation that is out of your control is a waste of energy and time. If you find yourself obsessing over the breakup, take a deep breath and say, “I refuse to stress over a situation I cannot control. I am strong enough and humble enough to trust that nature is handling this situation and all things will work in my favor.” This may seem really hard at first but it gets easier with time and is a key factor in finding happiness again.

Rediscover Yourself

Depending on how long and/or how serious the relationship was for you, you might find the thought of being single scary. You’re not used to it, all of your recent memories involve your ex. Maybe you can’t lie in bed at night without thinking of the countless phone calls you all would have before going to sleep. Or, every time you pass the coffee shop on your way to work you think about how the two of you stopped there for breakfast once a week. It’s hard to focus on yourself because you’re so consumed with thoughts about your ex. You have to think back to how you lived before you were with your ex. What were your hobbies? What did you enjoy doing? What friends did you hang out with? Then, do all those things. Call old friends and have a night on the town. Let go of some of your inhibitions and do something you always dreamed of doing. What’s there to lose? Ask yourself, “In what ways can I grow?” Make a list of short term and long term goals. Are you unhappy in other areas of your life? Can you change the things you are unhappy with? If so, develop a strategy to make those areas better. By learning more about yourself and doing things you enjoy, you turn this bad breakup into an opportunity to really grow. You also rid yourself of thinking that your happiness is dependent on your ex.

Love Yourself

You don’t have to be in a relationship to be loved. In fact, if your primary source of love comes from yourself, you’ll never be without it. However, be sure to develop real love for yourself not superficial love. This means loving yourself despite your flaws and despite anything you did or didn’t do. This means realizing the good and beauty within yourself and loving yourself unconditionally. This is not something you may fully grasp overnight. Often times, we are our worst critic. At the moment, you may be beating yourself up over the break up. Telling yourself things like, “This is all my fault. What’s wrong with me? I’m never going to find anyone to love me.” These kinds of thoughts are as damaging as they are incorrect and can quickly send you spiraling into a deep depression. We all want a special someone to love us but your first priority is to love yourself. Write a letter to yourself containing only the things you like about yourself, accomplishments, and areas in which you feel proud of yourself. Every time you have negative thoughts about yourself, read the letter. Write down positive statements on index cards and hang them around your room and on your bathroom mirror. Treat yourself the way you would want your lover to treat you. Buy yourself gifts, compliment yourself relentlessly and treat yourself to a night out. Learning to truly love yourself will certainly help you develop happiness again as well as make your daily life much more enjoyable. You’ll find that you can give yourself the support and love you once required from your ex.

These tips won’t mean a pain free breakup and it may take some time to adjust to your new relationship status, allow yourself that time. However, they will help you make positive strides forward despite this circumstance.


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