“When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled. We blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on - series polygamy - until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.” - Tom Robbins
Life, when you don’t know yourself,; who you are; what you want to do and where you want to live is going to be tough. You will meet people; they will have some sort of impact on your feelings and how you see the world. But let me tell you, no one will pave your life except for you. If you go down roads that others are going down, you will be temporarily satisfied and end up later on down the track feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled. Learning first to know and listen to yourself is, I believe, an essential element in living a fulfilling life.
We are living in a world where self-centred beliefs about who we are, and our self development from the perspective of others is taken so personally that we question ourselves and compare ourselves to others over and over; and then wonder why we are never wholly satisfied. In some ways we have it easy; our lives give us an abundance of choice, and we are told we can be anything we choose to be. But this also makes it incredibly difficult, and we often look to outside sources such as people or experiences/things to fulfil us. However, this fulfilment only seems to act as a temporary solution. Then we are back to feeling unfulfilled again, and naturally question our surroundings.
It is my belief that in order to be truly happy, one must first be in control of their own self. You need to take risks; claim responsibility for yourself; for your development, and your choices in life. You must be brave and ready to take on the world alone. Before you can find someone else or something else, first you must find your self.
There is no easy answer. Some people choose one thing and pursue it, and it all seems to fall into place after years of hard work. Some people are searching for a long time. Some people find themselves through not anything in particular; just the search and the journey itself. And in a way, we will always be learning and developing ourselves for the rest of our lives. We are a functioning body, a growing and ever evolving unit. There is no beginning or end - there is just constant development. Do you believe in fate? Have you ever considered that perhaps life offers us opportunities, but we have the freedom of choice - our free will - to either accept or reject these opportunities? There is no fundamental way of seeking - only to come out at the end feeling stable and strong in your self. I think it’s about challenging your ways of living and thinking, stepping outside the comfort zone. I think it is all about your attitude. And don’t worry so much if things are difficult. If you are constantly feeling down, depressed and hard on life - allow yourself to be kind to your self. We need the bad times to center ourselves, as a base, the roots, for which we grow stronger from.
Like Ernest Hemingway once said: “The best people possess a feeling for beauty; the courage to take risks; the discipline to tell the truth, and the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed.”