Pretty down one year. Lost Mum in November. Dad went into hospital not long after - check up. Nothing supposedly wrong. Never came out. Heard of people dying from a broken heart but hadn't witnessed it before.
Arrived home December 23. If you know Maori families, you will know funerals are only part process. You will know it's three days... at the very minimum... if you're not family.
Spent about 11 weeks at the hospital all up, that stint and was exhausted.
Ain't doing Christmas this year. Too tired. Too sad.
What about the kids? So sorry, can't help it, can't do it.
Hadn't shopped for Christmas presents and feast.
Lay on the couch, curtains drawn (Summer, so hot). Towel nearby... (handkerchieifs not big enough), sympathy cards lined up on the floor in front of the tele.
December 25: Quiet knocks on the door.
Not answering...just bugger off..why don't you?.
Hear movement...laughter...kids voices. Pots clanging, people disagreeing. Chatty banter.
Well, I just think I'm going to lay here, in my pyjamas and play ladies... you should go to your own houses and leave me alone...sleep...that's what I need...zzz...
Woke to people getting on with their Christmas. It felt surreal, I was an onlooker - not contributing much at all and not being asked to. They were just doing - stuff. Not fussing over me - kind of ignoring me - taking the pressure off. Love them for that.
Showing me that life was still good. Look at who was here - now.
Lessons from this story
Do what fits in your circumstance right now. It's okay.