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My First Mother's Day Without Her

by emmcphillips (follow)
Love (184)      Motivation (134)      Family (110)      Positivity (33)      Grief (17)      Self Talk (16)      Self Avenue Mothers Appreciation Series (12)      Mothers Day (8)      Relationship (7)      Mum (2)     

If I wasn’t yelling about how Mum ruined the dirty pants I left in a puddle on the floor of my bathroom when she tried to clean them, I was gritting my teeth as she scuffed around the house in slippers waking everyone up. I am not some angelic daughter who treated every day like Mother’s Day; but I am a daughter who has the amazing ability to see this day in hindsight. I can’t be given the time back to show my mum just how much I love and appreciate her; but instead I can pass on some lessons learnt and things I would do, could I have the opportunity again.

In the most respectful way possible - Mother’s Day is a bit of a wank. Let’s be honest, like Valentines Day it’s a good way to make some money. You don’t need a date in the calendar telling you to show your parents how much they mean to you. You have the gift of being able to do that every day. Please try not to waste that. Don’t be sucked in to waiting for one day out of 365 to show your Mum how much she means to you. All you will do is reflect on the missed opportunities the other 364 days a year.

You don’t have to buy things to the extent this day sees annually, or drop everything in your own life to spend time with them 24/7. An extra hug or kiss when you can is one they may have gone without, and is something so small you will be thankful to remember.

When the time comes, make sure you can smile at memories of the things you did for your parents; not just what they did for you. Nothing gives me more joy remembering spontaneous things I did with, or got for Mum just because I felt like it. In all honesty I can only remember one Mother’s Day - her last one, and for obvious reasons. Does part of me wish I did more on Mother’s Day? Sure, I only wish I took away the feeling of obligation; made certain that Mum knew this day was just another opportunity to show my love, not because it’s what is expected. Take this day as a gift, and not a chore. Just another chance to love your Mum. It is the best excuse you’ll ever have to make more memories. Never give up an opportunity to do that. Don’t put a limit on something that can make you smile when you feel you have forgot how.

The week leading up to Sunday has been quite reflective. I realise I wouldn’t change the fights or any of the bad times we had. I’ve learnt not to dwell on those. You shouldn’t either. They all just emphasise the normal, loving mother-daughter relationship we're lucky to have. No matter how irrational, frustrated or angry I may have been, nothing was ever held against me. It’s wise to recognise that sooner rather than later. It will do you a great service to realise just how loved and supported by your parents you are in the bad times, as well as in the good. Try and show that you're grateful for that.

Never miss an opportunity to say I love you to your parents. They are the only two people who wanted and loved you before you existed.

“You are the only one who knows what your mother’s heartbeat sounds like from the inside” - listen to it every time you hug.

To every child missing a parent, and to every parent missing their baby - smile. Memories are a gift that will never expire, and you have them with you where ever you go. Happy Mothers Day to you all x

#Mothers Day
#Self Talk
#Self Avenue Mothers Appreciation Series
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This was my 11th mother's day without mum and to make matters worse, it was also her birthday. I would like to say it gets easier with time, but it really doesn't. I miss her as much today as I ever have.
I don't think it will ever get easier but hopefully it becomes more bearable to live with. Mum's birthday was a tough day so I can't imagine going through both together. We just need to live everyday for them and never miss an opportunity to smile and not take anyone for granted. I admire your strength for holding your head up after 11 years. No doubt your Mother is looking down on you smiling x
It is not easy losing a mum, and especially on Mothers Day. Sorry to hear. Grief has its own metronome. A partner can easily be replaced, but not your mum. Stay brave.
My mum was my best friend and such a special person and total inspiration and she left us WAY too soon. I wrote this tribute to her last month.

Thank you all for reading my article, I am only 23 it means a lot to me knowing there are people out there all ages feeling the same. Tracey, I read your tribute and had instant tears. My Mum was adopted also and it really shines a beautiful light on the process and the beautiful people as a result. It gave me a better look at what my Mum must have felt toward her parents, for that I thank you. I love where you talk about her legacy being on this earth with you - truly beautiful, thank you.
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