It can be difficult to forgive and forget or ‘let go’ of old hurts. However, what good is it doing you to hold onto memories of things that have hurt you? They are like heavy grey clouds that block out the sunshine.
Mary Morrissey, a life coach, spiritual author and motivational speaker said, ‘Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?’
If someone has ‘done us wrong’ or caused emotional pain it is natural to want to avoid setting ourselves up for a repeat performance. Yes, we need to be aware of what happened and try to avoid something similar occurring in the future. Therefore it may be useful to reflect on the situation to a point. Then there comes a time when we would feel better if we could ‘let it go.’
Sometimes you are able to talk the issue through with the other party and work things out. Sometimes this isn’t possible but you can still decide to let go of the negativity so it can’t hurt you any more.
If letting it go is easier said than done, you may want to talk the matter over with someone. What can you do if friends or family members don’t understand why you are hurt or if they blame you? It may be a good idea to get help from a counsellor, psychologist or other professional who can be impartial. Such a person is also obligated to keep what you say confidential which may not happen if you confide in a friend or family member.
Perhaps you have decided you want to move on without talking to anyone. If you want to deal with the matter on your own you may find one of the following approaches of use.
1. Write down what happened, what was said and how you felt about it. You are going to destroy this and not show it to anyone so you can be open, honest and as long winded as you want. You can let out all your sadness or anger through words. You can write sentences, dot points, poetry or whatever you choose. No one is going to judge the other party or you for what you have written. (No one is going to correct your bad spelling either.)
If you express yourself well in diagrams or drawings add illustrations. When you have got your feelings onto paper you need to decide how to destroy it. You may feel a release of pain if you rip it into tiny pieces. Perhaps the idea of burning what you have written appeals.
2. You could try some deep breathing. Take a deep breath and then exhale. Imagine you are breathing out all the hurt, pain and chaos that has been festering inside you. Then inhale a slow deep breath and imagine you are breathing in peace and love to replace the negativity you have exhaled. Repeat this a few times. You may want to make a ritual of doing this for a few days.
3. Find a quiet place where you will not be interrupted. Squeeze a stress ball as hard as you can. Release it and squeeze again. Talk through the events and your feelings aloud.
4. Your anger will actually hurt you more than the person who upset you. With this in mind, visualise your anger as a large lump of metal. Now visualize it slowly melting and flowing away so it can no longer hurt you.
5. Find a quiet place on your own. Have a good cry. Some people who share their house with others choose the shower as a place to cry because the running water covers the sound of their crying.
Whatever way you choose to deal with it, let go of the anger and bad feelings to make space for good experiences to come into your life.