Image courtesy of Dan from Freedigitalphotos.net - Your life: the bricks come before the roof
I'd like to share a my thoughts about recovery from feelings of helplesness and depression that are diametrically opposite to what I thought before.
The analogy is a house with a roof, with the roof representing a person’s highest aspiration – even if it is obtaining and keeping a job. However, if the rest of the house is not made of a solid material that is sustainable, like the children’s fable of the house made of straw, the roof does not make a difference in terms of how habitable the place is to be. If a cyclone comes, for example, the person will be left with nothing.
In terms of health, whether physical or mental, this is analogous to the person who aspires for a job they can keep successfully (which also means without obvious detrimental effects to any aspect of their well-being for example) first above everything.
That is, they neglect to sleep well, eat well, look after their physical and mental health, and feel that their worthwhileness comes from their work status, position and how much money they make.
However, suppose they lost a dear member of their family – all the money in the world could not replace that. If they lost the ability to truly empathise, and they became their work, the deep remorse and sadness could not be replaced.
However, what is worthwhile in the world is first the ability to lay the bricks down before constructing a roof on top of the house –that is, know that one has a strong, solid foundation that reflects that they value themselves – for example, taking time to sit and eat a healthy meal without feeling guilty. Without this, if the metaphorical wolf blows, or the cyclone comes, they have lost everything. By everything, I mean everything they thought was important - but really was not.
So, how do you lay down the bricks for a healthy house?
Firstly, by looking after one’s health – physical, emotional and mental. Sitting down and eating healthy meals for me. It takes a true effort for me in recovery to sit down and eat breakfast, instead of “eating on the go”.
I am reading a book “The Highly Sensitive Person”, which stresses that for these people, sensitive to changes in their external and internal environment, this is vitally important.
Even letting go of one's livelihood which for me is writing and the rights of animals. We are conditioned to put the roof first. Perhaps this is evident in the fact I am choosing to write at the moment. At the moment though, the guilt feels too much. I feel I am not contributing something as I should be. I hope to buffet that feeling with looking after myself, and then, if I have time at the end of the day, to write. For I do love to do so.
To organise values what's important for your may not be for the majority of the world. That is perfectly
Choose relationships wisely.Don't sacrifice to please another It is just not sustainable. If you feel guilty about this, tell yourself how can you truly contribute to the world in the special way you have to offer if you live your life for somebody else?
March to the beat of your own drum If you need more time alone, for example, if you are introverted, if you need time to recover from illness or a loss, let your intuition speak to you. Intuition is something we all have. It’s like a deep knowingness, a guttural sense of who you are as an individual.
I find it often speaks the loudest when surrounded by quietness: when I am by myself at home, or during a walk in the bush alone. If you hear anything within you that says “I wish I was not doing this but X may disapprove, then that is not your intuition. It is your “people-pleaser”.
A great reason to be assertive and to quiet the voice of the “people-pleaser” is that ultimately it will lead to an inevitable loss of self-esteem and self-respect. This is where assertiveness skills must be developed. That is, speaking your own truth, politely and courteously, yet adamantly.
Along with marching to the beat of your own drum comes the pressure you may feel, as a writer, that you are truly contributing something worthwhile to the community.
You may not be “out there”, an extrovert, working for a supervisor. You may not be earning much, initially.
However, I know that I have gained so much from what the writers at Self-Avenue have written. So have many others. They might not tell you.
Your earnings initially might not reflect it. However, look how many views you have! By a little networking, you can earn more, if that is your goal.
By sharing the innermost of our souls, we are sharing valuable gems about life which we have learned through our own experiences.
Keep connected. For me, as an introvert, the close, few connections sustain me – they are like oxygen to my soul. If you are an extrovert, that’s fantastic too – you can really put yourself out there.
Each social style has its attributes. However, don’t disconnect. Never choose to be alone, no matter what hurts you may have suffered. There are always people, whether they tell you or not, who value you more than you know.
Maintain your spirituality. The soul needs food, just as your physical body is. It is vitally important.
Believe you are worth it, financially, too. Never feel you deserve to be broke. You do not have to be rich. However, poverty can be an unconscious choice from feeling you are not worth it. Never feel guilty about it. We all need money. It is a part of life.
What I will do, however, is build my bricks first, and then, at the end of the day, some of my roof – for me that is writing.
Hi, I enjoy reading your articles and you may not know this, but by sharing your valuable gems about your life, you have inspired someone out there, and I am one of them. The foundation or bricks for me is my soul. Like you said, it is important to nourish your soul as this is key to happiness. By nourishing my soul, it makes me feel energetic and helps me to deal with the daily challenges in life.
Hi, could be anything - maybe the articles don't fit the tone/style of the websites, maybe they don't publish as quickly, maybe they've filed quota for the season, maybe they want qualified, professional viewpoint- I can only guess - the list goes on. You need to research it or ask them.
Sites do not want duplicates of articles - it ruins search engine rank, so any already published articles would need to be re-written for that purpose.
Hi! You're absolutely right. Priorities and values, to a degree, are in a state of flux.
I was wondering something...for networking, I have been trying to post some of my article on other sites, such as beyondblue. However, all the sites are not allowing me to. I was wondering why this would be? Is it a new rule you can't..