Remember when you first moved out of home? The very first time, I mean. You were excited, and a little nervous, Maybe you moved out with friends or a partner. Maybe you moved cities or possibly states. The fact is, you left the nest.
This (I feel) is one of the mutually hardest adjustments for both a parent and a child.
I’ve moved out and then gone back to my mothers place about half a dozen times since I finished high school. I’m now (almost) twenty-one, and this time, I’m out for good. Both my mum and I are finding this change pretty hard in different ways.
The most difficult part for me is remembering that she is finding this harder than I am. I’m her eldest child; her absolute pride and joy, and she’s finding it a lot harder to let go than I am of being independent. She will nag me on the phone about the little things like washing, school or pretty much anything, and I’ll remind her that I already know everything she's saying; however she always replies with, “I’m your mother, and I will nag you until the day I die, no matter how old you are.”
Another little adjustment was remembering to buy toilet paper. I know that doesn’t sound like a big deal. Shouldn’t I just remember to buy it every week? But toilet paper was one of those magical things in my house growing up, that was just always kind of there. Same with washing powder. I’d do my own washing, but I’d never had to think to buy washing powder, because it was just always there. I miss my mum for those little things, because she was always on top of it. I’ve gotten more into the hang of it now, yet it’s taken almost six months.
The other side of the argument though, is a parents side. Your child is still your child, but they're also an adult now. They don’t need you so much. They have their own life, where they don’t see you or maybe even speak to you every day. They feed themselves. They have their own home. They pay bills. They work to support themselves. As a parent, you will always be there to support them and help them in any way you can, but you aren’t aware of their day-to-day lives anywhere near as much as you used to be. You worry about them all the time; the same way you always have, yet it is a different kind of worry now. Your child doesn’t ask for help all that often. And as much as you want to be there for them, sometimes they don’t want you to be because they are trying their hardest to do everything on their own…because that’s what they saw growing up - you doing everything.
Most children idolise their parents (to some degree) when they move out. They see their parents differently, because they now can fully appreciate everything that they’ve done for them, and how hard it can be to run a household. Not to mention how they find enough time in the day for everything they need to do.
Yet children now see their parents as adults, instead of just seeing them as their mum or dad, and parents start seeing their children as a person, instead of just their baby. That’s the hardest part.
Eventually, everyone figures it out. It just takes time.
Thank you so much! !
I think its important to look at both sides to every thing, no matter the situation.
My mum and I aren't that close, but she has a lot of valid points and I try to remember them all :)
I had a similar experiences hen I moved out of home with my boyfriend last year.
I wrote my first article on self avenue about it (just beginning)
My perspective was from our side and about having to buy stuff for ourself but I never thought about the parent side of things.