Home    Subscribe    Write for Us    FAQ    Contact    HubGarden    Login

Dealing with Invalidation

by jussiecatwriter (follow)
Relationships (158)      Self Worth (94)      Self Esteem (91)      Emotional Intelligence (60)      Self Image (48)      Anger (16)      Invalidation (1)     


A rejected stamp
But it happens. Image courtesy of Rido at dreamstime.com


Out of all the feelings I hate the most, at the top of the list would be invalidation. My Collins thesaurus defines invalidation as “having no force based on a mistake.”

Well, I would like to take the meaning of invalidation a step further. It would mean in my eyes that the so-called “mistake” is a mistake in the eyes of a certain person.

In a psychological sense, to feel invalidated would mean that very real feelings, and worse, facts are said to be false, not true, and to have never happened.

I will give an example, but change the name to protect anonymity.

Yesterday, my neighbour promised to spend time with me. She promised, in specific terms to ‘have a cup of tea with me.’

Now, I do not believe I am amnesic, for I know she said this; but I also know what she’s like. Let’s call her Sarah.

Sarah is very much a ‘on my terms’ person. There is not a lot of flexibility.

I used to feel anger, but deal with it in the wrong way. I would lose my temper, or behold a grudge.

Now I take in the bins for the neighbours when I am home. And remember.

I very much felt like taking in the bin for one neighbour, but not the other neighbour. However, I am was not going to let my temper get the better of me.

However, I said calmly that I no longer wanted to go op shopping like she wanted to on Saturday. In my books, that was a better way of dealing with invalidation and the feelings of anger that often go hand-in-hand with it.

When feeling invalidated:

**1. If it is real for you, then validate yourself.%% Don’t begin to put yourself down. Don’t believe you are stupid.

2. It is not worth losing energy expressing anger in unproductive ways to the person who invalidates you. It also is a wrong action as much as invalidating someone. I don’t believe in yelling, or getting nasty, because that can be just as hurtful. Try to remain calm and rational.

3. It is okay, however to feel angry. The anger comes from being treated like someone who does not know when they are being lied to. In other words, you are also being treated like a less intelligent being than you are. It’s okay to be angry.

4. Anger can be channelled, however into not wasting time on a non-reciprocal relationship. If invalidation occurs occasionally, you don't have to hastily withdraw from the relationship. However, if it does, spend time with someone who treats you as the real three-dimensional person you are.

5. Anger can also be channelled into asking yourself what good can come from a broken promise - something you were looking forward to. In this case, I am happy, because for days, I've been wanting 'me-time' to spend writing, and now I have it.

Invalidation happens to us all at times. People are fallible. It might be because they cannot face the fact they can't be honest, or because they really can't remember. Or maybe you did forget. Either way, your feelings are real just because they are.

# Invalidation
# Anger
# Relationships
# Self Worth
# Self Esteem
# Self Image
# Emotional Intelligence
I like this Article - 3
More Articles by jussiecatwriter
I have admittedly written articles with the subject matter being how to enhance levels of ‘happi...
122 views
Many readers probably have heard that the subconscious mind is an extremely powerful determinant...
94 views
%%Possible is a word for ground you are just about to break!%% At one time or another, we ar...
140 views
Personal criticism is never easy to take
56 views
To have confidence is to “be sure” (Collins Essential Dictionary and Thesaurus)
99 views
Many of us, at some time in our lives, recognise the value of overhauling certain habits that no...
32 views
view all articles by jussiecatwriter
Articles by jussiecatwriter on Other Hubs
Pets can teach us so much – they are actually better at helping us learn life’s lessons than rea...
3 likes
When considering introducing another cat into a pre-existing family of one or more other felines...
1 like
My Google Plus Profile
ID: 17519
[ Submit a Comment ]
Trending Articles
I lived the city life and I’m sick of it
1031 views
Our senses make us more aware of the world around us, sometimes warning us of danger
91 views
Sometimes you just feel bleah
84 views
Whether you are thinking about goals to get things done or making a difference in the world, the l...
74 views
Many of us fear to speak our mind because we care about what others might think of us or say abo...
6397 views
New words are constantly coming into existence
72 views
When people hear the word 'amnesia' they worry because they know it means forgetting things and th...
79 views
Money gives us all more choices in life, and is a tool to serve other people
2395 views
In this day and age, many people hire professional escorts because they what to try something ne...
12248 views
Are you missing something in your life and you don’t know what you want? Are you lost and unsure...
1647 views
Categories
 
Copyright 2012-2018 OatLabs ABN 18113479226. mobile version