Home    Subscribe    Write for Us    FAQ    Contact    HubGarden    Login

Dealing with Difficult People

by Colleen P Moyne (Colmo) (follow)
I'm a freelance writer living in the beautiful river town of Mannum in SA, dreaming of the day I can retire from the 9-5 to write full time.
Life (597)      Life Skills (424)      Mindset (167)      Attitude (154)      Acceptance (108)      Perspective (97)      Psychology (88)      Feelings (62)      Control (58)      Problem Solving (34)     


Couple Arguing
Image Courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


We all have them in our lives. People who test our limits in one way or another.

There are the ones who thankfully pass through our lives only briefly, like the pushy salesman at your door, or the snippy receptionist at the clinic; not to mention the parents who let their kids run riot in the shops, or the person tailgating you on the highway.

The good thing about these people is that our encounters with them are short-lived, and our best approach is to be firm but polite. And be glad it will soon be over.

Then there are the people that we interact with more regularly.

Anyone from your spouse’s obnoxious best friend or the busy-body neighbour to the challenging client at work, or even to the inept boss can also fall into this category of being a little to full on difficult.

The hardest thing we have to do when confronted by difficult people is to stay true to ourselves. If we have no choice but to deal with them, we have to try and look for the good things about them and work on those. It’s easy to let them dictate our mood; to bring us down and cause us to bite back, but in the long run it only makes us feel bad. And why should we? We need to let their bad behaviour be their issue and not ours.

I'm not saying that we should turn a blind eye to someone who is obviously having a bad day. We don't know what’s going on in their lives that may be affecting their better judgement. But we can keep our own attitude in check, and hope that some of our calmness and positive attitude will rub off on them, and maybe improve their day just a little.

But it’s another thing altogether when we live with difficult people on a daily basis. We know that bad behaviour often stems from defensiveness, and can be their way of testing you. Sometimes they will direct aggressiveness toward you because it’s the only way they can feel a sense of control. If we can look deeper and find the cause, we can begin to separate the behaviour from the person and come up with strategies to deal with it.

Could they be struggling with work or school issues? Money issues? Have they experienced trauma in the past that causes them to be distant or demanding? Could it be health related, or the manifestation of a mental health issue? If you care about them, you will want to help; and the best way is to give them opportunities to open up to you without judgement. Your skill also comes in recognising when more specialised intervention may be needed.

Having said all of that, there are times when the only course of action for our own health and wellbeing is to let relationships go. Life is too short to live in misery trying to be everyone’s buffer.

There is a list that I have had for many years called ‘Tips for staying positive.’ One of these that really stood out to me was this…

Weed your social garden. Choose your friends and associates carefully, and don't tolerate those who will worsen you. This is good advice. Family is family, but there is no reason to retain friends who bring us down or use us. What is the worst that would happen if you let them go?

One thing I've learned is that a serene attitude is self-perpetuating, and the more we deliberately practise it the more naturally it occurs. Therefore, don’t let others dictate your mood or your behaviour. Cultivate relationships that enhance you and make
you feel good about yourself. Smile at the grumpy sales person, even if they don't smile back. Pay your co-worker a compliment, and on the highway let the tailgater pass you and get on their way.

# Life Skills
# Attitude
# Control
# Feelings
# Problem Solving
# Conflict Resolution
# Life
# Mindset
# Impermanence
# Perspective
# Acceptance
# People
# Psychology
# Listening
# Rapport
# Empathy
I like this Article - 7
More Articles by Colleen P Moyne (Colmo)
No matter where you are in life or what your role is within the family, you need someplace that ...
292 views
I often wonder why some people, as they age, seem to reach a certain point where they come to a ...
160 views
When we hear the word ‘addiction’ we automatically think about alcohol, drugs, gambling or maybe...
283 views
Are you the kind of person who needs structure in your day? Do you find yourself frittering away...
187 views
Loving someone is a wonderful thing, and knowing that you are loved back is comforting and reass...
110 views
My daily commute to work is quite long but never boring
149 views
view all articles by Colleen P Moyne (Colmo)
Articles by Colleen P Moyne (Colmo) on Other Hubs
Some children have a naturally active imagination and storytelling comes as easily to them as play...
136 views
ID: 16381
[ Submit a Comment ]
Trending Articles
In this day and age, many people hire professional escorts because they what to try something ne...
11868 views
These days we are nagged not only by the real life people we interact with but our cars, phones an...
89 views
For years, you’ve put in the work to earn your degree
88 views
We live in a culture that emphasizes winning, and in many circumstances people will use physic...
84 views
In Part 1, we explored the basics of creating a budget after graduation and focused on issues re...
83 views
The first time I moved across the country, the trip took three days by train and covered nearl...
83 views
When you think of dangerous jobs, a few roles might come to mind
74 views
You don’t have to be rich to make money, you just have to be practical
3728 views
You’ve probably heard the saying, “a house is not a home
64 views
Ever since the new year kicked off, social media channels have been abuzz with "new year, new me...
2938 views
Categories
 
Copyright 2012-2018 OatLabs ABN 18113479226. mobile version