What if? This question can easily put the most confident person out of sorts. What ifís are the internal issues we can't deny. This week is the hardest week thus far. Iíve started to question why am I doing this? Despite the 100′s of emails that support me weekly; the tide of doubt is sinking my battleship.
Iíve never had self-confidence. What people see is a mirage of my ideal self. Everything is What Ifíed in my mind a thousand times over before I make my choices. I had a thought about of what if me being distant in high-school was meant to pass the hill of young lust? This would be the biggest What TheÖ if I had decided to explore this concept.
Thankfully I did, and I learnt that every tension I've wanted to avoid for the last few years bubbled up, and now the rattled brain of mine is guilt ridden for exploring my feelings.
The concept of this detox was to avoid dating or seeing someone. This isnít the first time temptation has been in my mind during the last seven weeks. Mr Nerdy Fitness was a temptation. He was the package; great body, and smart - but a player. What ifíd I had broken this detox?
Well I would be back at Week 3 questioning myself all over again. Doubts, fear and temptation are the three biggest weaknesses of the human mind.
Iím glad I didnít break this. In this stage of life, the need for someone on the same emotional level of intensity as me is a must have.
There is also another issue: Friends With Benefits. Iíve had two ex boyfriends and two friends ask me to be theirs. Iím not that kind of girl, yet I do think about this. To explore another emotional concept based on psychical desires scares me beyond comprehension.