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Conquering the Big D

by Rhi Rhi T (follow)
Life (611)      Acceptance (110)      Family (110)      Fear (53)      Coping (40)      Friends (40)      Death (25)      Loss (14)      Mourning (3)      Confusion (3)     


It is the one thing that must come to all living things.
It is the one thing that nearly everyone fears.
And it also the one thing that some daredevil’s chase after and change willingly.

We never know when it will come, and everyone deals with the outcome in different ways.
I am luckily that I have only had two deaths in my life so far - my great-grandparents – and I was to young to even realise what the impact was upon my family.

But recently I have had two friends who have had to deal with the concept much earlier then ever expected. One lost her ex, the father of her children, over the holiday season and one has found out that her fiancé has a very high chance of having leukaemia.

While one lost the person she once loved and the other is facing the possibility of losing the man she just found. However both dealt with the situation in very different ways.
One focused on her children and making sure that they survived the ordeal and dismissing what she felt in order to cope. And the other was so shocked that she blurted out the news to us as a joke before bursting into tears.

We all deal with death in different ways. Some laugh, some cry, some go into denial. Where we are a mother who has experienced a whole range of emotions with experience and the knowledge of how loss feels. Or whether we are young with a whole future ahead of us with the one person we love which is being threatened.

My heart goes out to these two beautiful women. They are both had to do dealing with something that is out of their control but all the while fighting to stay alive themselves.
As I was so young when my Great Grandparents died I do not have any words of empathy for them, only sympathy and comfort. I try and make them laugh as much as I can so that even if it is for a brief moment they can experience joy.

The first women has had time to come to terms with her and her children’s loss and is going through all the phases one naturally turns to: denial, confusion, anger/hate, and is now reaching acceptance. Where as the second women’s encounter with death is only just beginning and she and her fiancé have a very long road ahead of them if his possible condition becomes a reality.

I have know idea how they cope on a day to day bases. I just hope that everyday they become a little stronger, a little more resilient. And when the time eventually comes for me or any other of our friends that they can be there and offer support where they can.

Everyone experiences loss.
Whether it be a family member who you have loved and lost.
A close friend who was taken way too early.
Or even a pet, someone who has touched our lives and given us joy, and has prepared us for the circumstances stated above.

No matter who it is that you have lost, or are currently in the process of losing; think only of the good times, the joyful times, and even a few sad times. Thinking of the person as a whole; the good, the bad and the complicated should hopefully keep them alive with you a little while longer. And letting them know that they will always be alive with you in your heart and soul.

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