A call from a friend few days back, delivered a terrible news. A common friend of ours, lost her fiance. Road accident, death on the spot. The girl was so stricken with grief, tears refused to flow. She was in a state of shock. While we were trying to support her, one colleague of hers blurts out, Thank God you weren't married yet.
That was the second horrible thing I heard that day. And I am sure this line has been heard before, by many who must have been in that unfortunate spot as my friend.
Does that mean losing your boyfriend or fiance is less tragic. Wouldn't it be equally hard as losing a partner? For that matter, isn't it sad when any of your loved one dies? Whether a partner, parent, friend; even a pet. We are emotionally attached to that person and the fact that we will never see or hear them again, is painful.
From wikimedia commons
When my grandma passed away, even though she was bedridden for a few years, we were obviously sad. We never thought her a burden.
She was full of wisdom and an elderly person's advice is invaluable. It was as if the roof of the house got lifted. And then of course some stupid person had to comment, She was ill and old. In a way it's good her suffering has ended.
Are you here to make us feel better? Because right now I want to punch your face.
Another line that is generally thrown in the grieving person's face is Time will heal everything. Soon you will be out of this and you won't feel the pain.
How is that even possible? Will a child who lost his parent ever forget that love and care which only the parent could have given? Time does not heal the pain.
With time, we learn to live without that person. Does not mean we have forgotten them. We have just made peace with the situation. Unless some moron utters Are you over it? Have these people never experienced death of a near one or are they plain foolish? If you don't know what you must say, well you may as well shut up.
Not knowing what to say to a grieving person is common. So it is alright to be silent. Hold their hand or rub their back. Just be there; that's what really matters.
I agree with this article completely.
I am fortunate enough to have only experience one family members death in my life so far, my great grandmother. I still believe she only past last year but it has been nearly 10 years. Your right the pain never goes away but our mind does try to shield us from our grief and pain. The pain never really does go away but it does dull in time.