All things, good or bad, come to an end. Now, instead of spewing the ďsmile because it happenedĒ quotes and wasting everyoneís time, letís be real for a second: however you put it, breaking up sucks. Like a punch in the gut, the pain stays with you, it lingers and obscures any positivity around us. This is bad enough without the various quotes people regurgitate that sound like they belong in low-res Tumblr gifs. However, there are certain things that will by no means make the pain go away, but will certainly make it more manageable.
1. Let it all out Give yourself a chance to process your feelings so you donít get overwhelmed. Grief is more than appropriate, in fact, itís necessary to help yourself move forward. Give yourself a chance to express this grief and let yourself cry. There is no shame in shedding a tear or twelve hundred, something meaningful was lost and crying will help you process that grief instead of letting it churn inside you. However many tears may come, however unlikely it may seem that youíll stop Ė you will, and thatís when youíre ready for step 2.
2. Distract yourself Now that youíve stopped flooding your apartment, youíre ready to start keeping yourself busy. Exercise, watch TV shows, focus on a hobby etc. These activities will improve your mood and will give your brain something else to focus on apart from the breakup. If youíre the creative type, you can even funnel your feelings into your hobby, youíd be surprised how inspiring strong emotions can be. Essentially, the idea is to focus on other aspects of your life to remind yourself that you existed and can exist outside the relationship.
3. Find someone to talk to This step requires special care because you donít want to end up in a conversation with the preachiest friend you have. Look for someone close who is a good listener and who can help point out your qualities and improve your mood. Hearing encouraging words from someone can be extremely beneficial to the psyche and will shift you from the fragile in which you came to them. Sometimes antagonizing your ex-partner helps, just be careful not to go overboard, you do not want to have resentment hanging over you.
4. Look inward After all of these, itís time to take a nice long look in the mirror. Every relationship changes us, some to a lesser and some to a higher degree. Take the time to figure out what kind of person you have become and meditate on that. Whether you take that last sentence literally or not, the point is to achieve a certain peace of mind. Deep breaths, spending time with animals, even a nice walk can do wonders for your mental health and will slowly start to fade out all of the what ifs, could ofs and might haves.
5. Avoid rebounds Itís extremely easy to fall into this trap, but a large majority of cases end up causing more harm than good. Letís face it, you will be in no condition whatsoever to commit to the relationship the way that you should and will essentially end up using the other person to mend the hole your ex left behind. This simply isnít fair to the other person involved and can end up hurting them if theyíre not aware of the arrangement. Do not rush into things, let yourself heal, relearn to be happy alone before you drag anyone in.
6. Vent If there is simply no other way to avoid it, if the need for someone to fill the gap is too great, be smart about it. A one night stand can boost confidence and can be healthy as long as both parties are aware. Do not involve other people without letting them know that youíre looking for something short-term. On the other hand, a short-term, no questions asked option is to visit specialized establishments like the Liaisons Brothel. These places offer short-term companionship and can help appease our own needs without the possibility of hurting someone else in the process.
7. Spend time alone This is essentially the last phase of a breakup, moving on. It is imperative that you get used to being alone, both physically and mentally. Isolation will do wonders for your psyche but only after you have given yourself enough time to grieve. Shutting everyone out early on can cause serious damage as you might end up burying yourself in a much deeper proverbial hole. However, at the appropriate time, isolation can help regain focus and composure, leaving us ready to tackle new challenges while acknowledging all that has transpired.
It will pass To reiterate, this is by no means a way of eliminating the pain, these steps will help us process our pain in a meaningful way. Pain is what that gives everything meaning and its absence would completely diminish the time spent together. As time passes, wounds will heal, the pain will slowly fade and turn into a fond memory of times long past Ė helping us grow as people. This will help us move on and eventually start seeking out other people to build new memories with.